A letter to my new friend.
"A person should not act impulsively, of course. A careful discernment process involving family, friends, and a spiritual mentor should precede every major decision. But when the appropriate time comes, only the disciple with an unflinching trust in God will dare to risk. And that trust is not naive; it knows that the possibility of making a mistake and getting hurt is very real. But without exposure to potential failure, there is no risk." Ruthless Trust, -Brennan Manning_
As a climber, you will come to know the highs and lows of our sport. Man oh Man!The thrill of bagging peaks and sending long term projects...these few and far between moments will fuel you. On the contrary, the inevitable defeats will frustrate you even more. But in reality, it's in this place where we do most of our living...learning. That is of course, if you are paying attention my man.
In essence, rock climbing in itself has no real value. And for most, it's pure vanity. As a young climber in college through early adulthood...I spent most of my time chasing personal glory. I was only interested in what I can accomplish. I only cared about "clipping chains" and "ticking" off grades. The ultimate selfish pursuit. I learned very little during those times...
So I am writing you to share a different truth about climbing. I've learned that climbing is not about you (or me)...it can be about something much much greater. It can be something of greater significance.
Allow me to give you an example (hopefully the first of many lessons we pass down to you as a community) of what I recently learned:
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On Friday, we ended our day on the crack/trad route "Tattoed Lady Direct", a 5.11 flared crack with delicate wide jams and an interesting crux sequence finish. I knew the route was a bit tricky to protect, so we set up a top rope on it so we can work out the moves and figure out the gear it needed to climb safely.
Sure enough, we all figured out the movement and sequences needed to cleanly send the route. You even figure out that cool "dyno" at the end that made it look way cooler. So next, we figured out the gear beta, right? First piece was #10 nut...then a # 11 nut, then a #4 cam...then the fixed draw below the anchors. Bam! Easy enough. We finished the day, figured out the climb, figured out how to climb it cleanly and safely. I knew I would return the next day to "send" this route cleanly...done, check!
That night, in bed, I visualized the climb. I would put on helmet, then shoes, tie in, breathe, look up...fire up: Climb up opening ledge, over easy block, into flared crack with thinner crack within, nice easy finger jams...place #10 nut, clip...step up, grab right jug, then bomber left hand jam under bulge, slot #11 nut...clip, right finger lock, then left finger lock, then thumb down right hand jam...bomber! Then place solid #4 cam...clip. BREATHE!!! Work up delicate feet...into another section of flared crack...slot unsecured right hand-jam, TRUST! Slowly, Easy! Inch up your feet and deadpoint left hand sloper. Slowly, easy...fist Jam in deep, left hand on wide sloper pinch...GET RIGHT FOOT-JAM IN NOW!!! High and Right, find hidden crimp...flag left foot, find left hand crimp...now clip bolt! No more run out!...bump left hand to best hold on the route. Yes! Can rest and breathe. Collect yourself...now lets fire up for crux. Traverse on good feet, but on difficult small crimps, match said crimps...now powerful right hand gaston, HOLD IT! Get your feet up and paste..hold it, hold it, hold it...NOW THROW RIGHT HAND to finishing Jug!!!! Clips chains.
I went over this plan...over and over and over...until I memorized it like the back of my hand. I was ready!
The next day, after you left...we went over to "Tattoed Lady Direct." I was feeling great. I practiced the moves, figured out the gear, memorized my mental map...there was nothing else to do but just go send it!
Super confident, I did exactly everything I planned for...Well, at least those first 20 feet or so. I made my first mistake within a minute of the climb. I slotted the first nut higher than I should have. That's ok, I can recover from this little mistake...no problem. Until I realized that my next hand hold was where I slotted the nut...so now my fingerlock sequence was out of order!!!! It's ok...just keep climbing, you will make it up higher on the route...just keep fighting.
NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!! Shut Down!
One mistake, resulted in another continual mistake, which zapped all my confidence...and allowed doubt to creep in. I asked for a "Take." I sheepishly hung there on the wall. "What just happened?" As I hung there...I was so disappointed in myself.
It's ok...I'll just finish the climb from here and call it a day. Except now I could not even figure out the move to get past this point. I tried a few different ways and could not inch my way up. At this point, I was angry and felt like the worst gumby climber ever! I just wanted to quit. And in the moment, I did. I had allowed doubt to overcome me. My climbing abilities were rendered useless and I had no desire to climb.
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I continued to hang there...embarrassed, 25 feet off the ground with no answer or desire. How is this possible? Just yesterday...with no beta (information)...I easily got up this route. Now, I don't know anything and I suck...
Well, I had no choice but to recover the last piece of gear I plugged into the wall ($90 cam that did not belong to me) so I decided I was going to figure this out, clip the next bolt and lower. I will have to wait for another day.
With no more added pressure of sending the route, I got back on the wall and cruised up past the section and clipped the bolt. "Huh? What just happened? How is that possible?" I asked Jeremy to lower me.
As my feet touched the ground and I looked up towards the wall, Jeremy says, "You can do this...you got this man!" For I had just given up and called it quits but he pushed me to rethink the climb...rebuild my confidence. I am convinced to try again. This time, my approach is different. I'm aware of my shortcomings, I'm aware of the potential mistakes, I'm aware of the risk of failing. This time, I accepted that failure is part of the process...But I understood that I cannot fail at something without risking something. And to risk, is to trust in something. On this climb, I needed to trust my partner, trust my gear, trust my experience, trust my shoes, trust my jams will hold, and trust that mistakes will happen. My climb does not have to be perfect...My climb just needs more trust! More trust, means more risk...More risk means more exposure...More exposure means I am climbing up the wall.
On my second go, I sent "Tattoed Lady Direct" cleanly...I felt smooth, strong, and able.
With TRUST. I am GOOD ENOUGH!
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Young friend, for us...rock climbing is not just simply rock climbing. It is more than a sport, more than a destination, more than a lifestyle. For us, it's an opportunity to worship Jesus. If you pay close attention, Jesus will spend time with you, speak to you, teach you, and love you through climbing as he does everywhere else. This past weekend, Jesus is teaching me about trust through climbing and a new book. Life is full of exposure...I am called to exposure, and have to have the ability to risk putting myself out there. This does not happen without trusting Him!
Hope this makes sense.
When you have your sights on the send, remember, Jesus is right there too. Climbing can be a fun and faithful experience, just do not let it be in vain.
BTW, Jesus is a rock climber:
Matthew 14:23 "After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone..."
The TYV (The Yosemite Version) translates it to, "After he finished cragging with his boys, he free soloed 30 pitches of 5.15 climbing to pray. Later that night, he bivied up top by himself..."
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